Split Personality

     I am my own shrink.  It saves a lot of money and the necessary introspection usually produces insight and answers.  At a recent check-up, the nurse asked are you bi-polar or schizophrenic?  What?  I said I don't think so.  You tell me!  Since half of America lives in a state of mild depression and/or anxiety, wouldn't do you have any depression or anxiety problems be a better question? If I had said yes I am schizophrenic, would I have walked out with a big gun prescription?  Would they have helped me? Seems like they are crazy not me.
     Anyway, I know I have some problems, some quirks, so I decided to look inward at one in particular. When people ask me where are you from I always answer I live in Minnesota but I'm really from New Jersey, somehow implying that thirty-seven years in Minnesota has been an illusion. What am I really saying here?
     My inner analyst tells me I am actually saying I am not a Midwesterner so don't expect me to act like one. Don't expect "Minnesota nice" all the time and don't expect one word answers. Don't expect me to run out and catch an autumn leaf as it falls from the tree so it doesn't land on the neighbor's yard. Also,deal with the fact that I use a naughty word every now and then and that I don't read Christian fiction. 
     In other words, just like I said.  I live in Minnesota but I'm really from New Jersey. I'm not schizophrenic but I definitely have a split personality.