The form says "actual" or "estimate." I always pick "estimate." Actually, it should say "rough estimate." That would relieve a lot of tension.
The instructions state "must file by April 1." I pressed the submit button reluctantly on March 22, earlier than usual, held my breath and hoped for the best. My hope is that the state of Minnesota thinks the numbers on this report I have to do for my library job are OK. You see, numberphobes are never quite sure. If the numbers look too nice and tidy, the person who reads the report might think you cheated or lied or made them all up. And, ironically enough, we phobes also worry that if the numbers are too quirky, they will think the same thing.
It's a nightmare. All those numbers. Those damn numbers! They all have to make sense! If the computer thinks they don't make sense, little red flags come up all over the place.
The little red flags fly in your face when the computer thinks the number is too big or, for heavens sake, too small. Can you believe this? Then, adding insult to injury, little green boxes come out of the blue and you have to explain WHY the number was too big or too small. ( This is compared to last year's number, of course.) The computer just wants to see some words of explanation in the little green box. Any gibberish would satisfy it, but since I have been called on the phone about this report by an actual human being several times in the past, I suspect a real person actually looks at it. So, you have to compose a real explanation like " more books were checked out last year than the year before because more people checked out books last year" and that's that.
In college I avoided anything to do with economics or accounting but years later I took a college accounting course. I completed part 1 attending the classes at the university. And I did OK. Then I attempted part 2 on my own. I had seven, yes seven, years to complete the course but I did not. I paid tuition year after frustrating year and the "incomplete" cost me a fortune. Accounting seemed all backwards to me anyway and I would never attempt it again.
My number-filled numbing annual report is now in cyberspace and I haven't heard any complaints about it, yet. I am happy for the time being.. Now I have to get busy before the IRS deadline is here. And I pray that those numbers make sense and flags don't fly in my face and, and - oh the anxiety!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Book Visions
I just finished reading "Juliet, Naked" by Nick Hornby. It wasn't flat out marvelous like "The Elegance of the Hedgehog" but it was light and fun and it was about music and aging, two of my interests at the moment. (The latter, reluctantly.)
And I'm reading it, to borrow a phrase, because he had me at Minneapolis. I live in Minnesota, you see, and the book begins in the past when Tucker Crowe, a famous, Dylanesque, singer-songwriter, goes to the men's room during a gig at a Minneapolis club, has some epiphany, comes out, ditches the show and the band and becomes a recluse in Pennsylvania.
"Juliet, Naked" refers to the naked as in unplugged version of the Tucker Crowe album called "Juliet." And Juliet was the love of his life, an actress/muse person who lived in San Francisco.
Nick Hornby is also the author of "High Fidelity" and "About a Boy." Both of these books became movies and this one's gonna be a movie, too, and that's what drove me crazy the whole time I was reading it. I couldn't read a word without thinking of the book as a movie and my mind wandered on every sentence as I tried to cast the characters.
Who would play Tucker Crowe, the aging, reclusive ex-folk/rock star? I'm seeing Jeff Bridges fresh off another music character in "Crazy Heart." And who's going to play Duncan, the tiny town Brit obsessed with webbing and blogging to keep the flame lit for an addicted world wide group of Crowe fans? He, of course, will be played by Hugh Grant. Who else? Grant stared out at me from every page and it was most disconcerting.
That leaves Annie. Who will play Duncan's girl friend who becomes Tucker's girl across the pond friend? It could be Renee Zellweger as in Bridget Jones since Hollywood will probably choose an American who has to do a British accent the whole movie .But it probably won't be Julia Roberts since that would be too much like "Notting Hill," wouldn't it? I think Kate Winslet or Minnie Driver would do a great job but maybe Andie MacDowell will get the part and have to do the accent so at least it would not be exactly the same as "Four Weddings and a Funeral."
God! Do you see what I mean? This book was so good and so frustrating all at the same time but the good news is I've already seen the movie!
And I'm reading it, to borrow a phrase, because he had me at Minneapolis. I live in Minnesota, you see, and the book begins in the past when Tucker Crowe, a famous, Dylanesque, singer-songwriter, goes to the men's room during a gig at a Minneapolis club, has some epiphany, comes out, ditches the show and the band and becomes a recluse in Pennsylvania.
"Juliet, Naked" refers to the naked as in unplugged version of the Tucker Crowe album called "Juliet." And Juliet was the love of his life, an actress/muse person who lived in San Francisco.
Nick Hornby is also the author of "High Fidelity" and "About a Boy." Both of these books became movies and this one's gonna be a movie, too, and that's what drove me crazy the whole time I was reading it. I couldn't read a word without thinking of the book as a movie and my mind wandered on every sentence as I tried to cast the characters.
Who would play Tucker Crowe, the aging, reclusive ex-folk/rock star? I'm seeing Jeff Bridges fresh off another music character in "Crazy Heart." And who's going to play Duncan, the tiny town Brit obsessed with webbing and blogging to keep the flame lit for an addicted world wide group of Crowe fans? He, of course, will be played by Hugh Grant. Who else? Grant stared out at me from every page and it was most disconcerting.
That leaves Annie. Who will play Duncan's girl friend who becomes Tucker's girl across the pond friend? It could be Renee Zellweger as in Bridget Jones since Hollywood will probably choose an American who has to do a British accent the whole movie .But it probably won't be Julia Roberts since that would be too much like "Notting Hill," wouldn't it? I think Kate Winslet or Minnie Driver would do a great job but maybe Andie MacDowell will get the part and have to do the accent so at least it would not be exactly the same as "Four Weddings and a Funeral."
God! Do you see what I mean? This book was so good and so frustrating all at the same time but the good news is I've already seen the movie!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Ohno Oops?
I had to laugh last week after NBC's coverage of Shaun White's snowboarding competition. I clearly heard the excited exchange between White and one of his coaches after his gold medal was a done deal but before his second run which was going to be essentially a victory lap.
The next day I read that NBC was apologizing for obscene content that should not have been heard on the air. I thought darn I must have missed that. So I read the transcript. It was the same conversation I had witnessed. Yes, the S word was uttered. Obscene? I don't think so. Even at the time it seemed normal. And it certainly seemed very normal snowboard speak to be sure, and even super normal what did you expect half pipe talk. C'mon people!
All I do know is that if any of my family ever wins an Olympic gold medal NBC had better kill the mic because one of us will no doubt use the F bomb on the air 'cause winning a gold medal is f---ing fantastic!
The next day I read that NBC was apologizing for obscene content that should not have been heard on the air. I thought darn I must have missed that. So I read the transcript. It was the same conversation I had witnessed. Yes, the S word was uttered. Obscene? I don't think so. Even at the time it seemed normal. And it certainly seemed very normal snowboard speak to be sure, and even super normal what did you expect half pipe talk. C'mon people!
All I do know is that if any of my family ever wins an Olympic gold medal NBC had better kill the mic because one of us will no doubt use the F bomb on the air 'cause winning a gold medal is f---ing fantastic!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Olympic Observation
Plushenko and Lysacek were brilliant in the men's figure skating short program with Lysacek winning the fashion week who are you wearing question answering Vera Wang. But the Most Entertaining gold is a tie and goes to Johnny Weir - outrageously exciting AND he's good - and Takahiko Kozuka for the best music - Jimi Hendrix's "Bold as Love." (Stravinsky is magnificent, of course, but an electric guitar is just more fun.)
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Positive Potatoes
Last week I had supper with my friend Bo. We were due at a meeting at 6:30 and she got home at 6 o'clock. So we had about fifteen minutes to eat a meal. We poured a glass of wine but instead of cheese and crackers or a quick sandwich, she decided to cook.
Bo became my friend because she is from Connecticut. Finding someone from Connecticut in a small Midwestern town is like discovering diamonds in a corn field. We both may be from The East (Big Bad East to the Midwesterners) but our worlds weren't exactly adjacent. She is a frugal Scottish Connecticut Yankee and I am from New Jersey. She lived outside the gravitational pull of NYC while I was in the thick of it but still, yes loyal Midwesterners, out in "the country." Midwesterners know intellectually that there are rural parts of the East but in their hearts they want to believe it's one big piece of asphalt. But back to the supper.
Bo decided to cook a farmer's omelet. She peeled and sliced potatoes and chopped a Vidalia onion. (She lives alone but buys them in bulk from Georgia. Some kind of a fundraiser.) The veggies went into the cast iron frying pan with a little olive oil and started to cook, fast she hoped, on high heat. But the onions were caramelizing way too fast (in other words they were burning) and we had to slow it down.
She chopped some ham and beat a few eggs and the omelet was on its way. The meal needed to be done in five minutes but that wasn't going to happen. Bo said we have to eat now. I said but Bo the potatoes aren't cooked yet (one of those Emperor's New Clothes moments.) Bo said that's OK, we'll eat them al dente.
Al dente. Brilliant! Now THAT is a true positive attitude. I can learn so much from Bo. She has turned many a lemon into lemonade and now her raw potatoes are a gourmet treat. The potatoes were a little crunchy but the omelet was delicious. And, oh yes, we got to our meeting on time.
Bo became my friend because she is from Connecticut. Finding someone from Connecticut in a small Midwestern town is like discovering diamonds in a corn field. We both may be from The East (Big Bad East to the Midwesterners) but our worlds weren't exactly adjacent. She is a frugal Scottish Connecticut Yankee and I am from New Jersey. She lived outside the gravitational pull of NYC while I was in the thick of it but still, yes loyal Midwesterners, out in "the country." Midwesterners know intellectually that there are rural parts of the East but in their hearts they want to believe it's one big piece of asphalt. But back to the supper.
Bo decided to cook a farmer's omelet. She peeled and sliced potatoes and chopped a Vidalia onion. (She lives alone but buys them in bulk from Georgia. Some kind of a fundraiser.) The veggies went into the cast iron frying pan with a little olive oil and started to cook, fast she hoped, on high heat. But the onions were caramelizing way too fast (in other words they were burning) and we had to slow it down.
She chopped some ham and beat a few eggs and the omelet was on its way. The meal needed to be done in five minutes but that wasn't going to happen. Bo said we have to eat now. I said but Bo the potatoes aren't cooked yet (one of those Emperor's New Clothes moments.) Bo said that's OK, we'll eat them al dente.
Al dente. Brilliant! Now THAT is a true positive attitude. I can learn so much from Bo. She has turned many a lemon into lemonade and now her raw potatoes are a gourmet treat. The potatoes were a little crunchy but the omelet was delicious. And, oh yes, we got to our meeting on time.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Complicated Cohen
I was excited when they gave a Lifetime Achievement Award to Leonard Cohen at the Grammys last week. I have loved this Quebecois since Judy Collins sang his "Suzanne" way back when, although I didn't know too much about him.
About fifteen years later in an old gym in southwest Minnesota I was watching a performance of a group of Norwegian gymnasts. They were not doing gymnastics as we know it but some sort of group exercise invented by the Chinese (probably) and it was done to music. One of the songs was beautiful. I had no clue what it was but the tune became etched into my brain. And in those pre-Internet times it was not as easy as it is today to track things down. In fact, it was almost impossible.
But several years later, I was watching figure skating on TV. Canadians were skating. In fact, I think it was ice dancing and they were skating to none other than The Song! The commentators mentioned its name. It was "Take This Waltz" and it was by Leonard Cohen, the famous Canadian recluse who spent years in a Zen Buddhist monastery near LA.
Cohen and Bob Dylan are probably the greatest songwriters ever. They are poets to be sure. But sometimes, I think Cohen is, well, misunderstood.
For instance, his "Hallelujah" has been used on hundreds of TV shows. They usually play it in some sad situation or when the character has just seen the light. I think it often comes in times of "redemption." But have you ever read the words? OK "Your faith was strong but you needed proof, You saw her bathing on the roof, Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you. She tied you to a kitchen chair, she broke your throne and she cut your hair..." Huh? And it gets "better."
I think the situation is this. The music is so damn pretty and moving that nobody cares what the words are. I mean the words are fine poetry and and a lot of metaphor, religious references, etc. But in many instances but they just don't always fit the scene, if you know what I mean.
For example, "Take This Waltz." The ice skaters were dancing to these words. "Oh I want you I want you I want you, On a chair with a dead magazine." It continues with "This waltz this waltz this waltz, with its very own breath of brandy and death, dragging its tail in the sea."
It's OK with me 'cause I love art but some of these lyrics could make children run screaming. Advice to teachers out there. Don't put Cohen music behind the kindergarten video. You might be in for a law suit.
The man is great but he takes me out of my comfort zone time and time again. Let's face it. There's only so much I want to know about what went on with him (and Janis Joplin, they say) in the Chelsea Hotel. But you have to love a guy whose first band was called The Buckskin Boys.
About fifteen years later in an old gym in southwest Minnesota I was watching a performance of a group of Norwegian gymnasts. They were not doing gymnastics as we know it but some sort of group exercise invented by the Chinese (probably) and it was done to music. One of the songs was beautiful. I had no clue what it was but the tune became etched into my brain. And in those pre-Internet times it was not as easy as it is today to track things down. In fact, it was almost impossible.
But several years later, I was watching figure skating on TV. Canadians were skating. In fact, I think it was ice dancing and they were skating to none other than The Song! The commentators mentioned its name. It was "Take This Waltz" and it was by Leonard Cohen, the famous Canadian recluse who spent years in a Zen Buddhist monastery near LA.
Cohen and Bob Dylan are probably the greatest songwriters ever. They are poets to be sure. But sometimes, I think Cohen is, well, misunderstood.
For instance, his "Hallelujah" has been used on hundreds of TV shows. They usually play it in some sad situation or when the character has just seen the light. I think it often comes in times of "redemption." But have you ever read the words? OK "Your faith was strong but you needed proof, You saw her bathing on the roof, Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you. She tied you to a kitchen chair, she broke your throne and she cut your hair..." Huh? And it gets "better."
I think the situation is this. The music is so damn pretty and moving that nobody cares what the words are. I mean the words are fine poetry and and a lot of metaphor, religious references, etc. But in many instances but they just don't always fit the scene, if you know what I mean.
For example, "Take This Waltz." The ice skaters were dancing to these words. "Oh I want you I want you I want you, On a chair with a dead magazine." It continues with "This waltz this waltz this waltz, with its very own breath of brandy and death, dragging its tail in the sea."
It's OK with me 'cause I love art but some of these lyrics could make children run screaming. Advice to teachers out there. Don't put Cohen music behind the kindergarten video. You might be in for a law suit.
The man is great but he takes me out of my comfort zone time and time again. Let's face it. There's only so much I want to know about what went on with him (and Janis Joplin, they say) in the Chelsea Hotel. But you have to love a guy whose first band was called The Buckskin Boys.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)